Her Smile and Eyes

I cannot stand it
her smile is in my mind and that sparkle that glints in her eyes is with it
taking me to pieces all over again. I thought that I could do this
to stand on my own and bear the weight of the crushing need,
the desperation to hold her in my arms and know that she is here,
solid, not just a ghost haunting the depths of my heart, seen as an aspiration
in the reality of my world as I lay, sit, stand and run from one place another
that desperation brings me now to pen and paper, writing out
the frustrations of a needing heart, one that should be full enough
after all I have Him who sustains all thing within, keeping me
but I still hunger for more, if that is not heretical to speak in audible syllables
the more isn't a mountain of gold, though I would trade it all for it
the filling of that piece, that one something that aches to be a part
the sheer hunger of the empty space within me, for a woman
a woman I know so little of and yet have spent so much time thinking of
the woman who's eyes and smile gnaw at the insides of my heart and soul
the torment that I endure, and with all good grace, would endure
should that woman decide and be a part of me, the one thing I want
the one syllable that I cannot utter because of the protection I swore
that I would not do as I know my heart would be most pleased in doing now
pursuing the beauty that intrigues my mind's eye and lulls me, as a siren
into the depths of its smothering and drenching passion and pleasure
of that smile and those eyes that haunt my day and night's dreams

Her Inside of Me

I don’t know how to explain it really, this thing which builds and grows,  burning inside of me

It's such a complicated thing, twisting me forwards and backwards while flipping my insides upside down

It makes my jump at ever sound and melt at the slightest thought, giving little heed to my own mind

 I don’t know if it's love again or if I'm having a heart attack but its driving my mind to a scary place

A place that I once walked and reveled in, but fear  now after having that world destroyed before

I don’t know that I could bear to stand losing it once again, let alone survive the joy of a new one

Could it be that there is someone else out there for me? Someone who I can sit at night by,

Enjoy the cool breeze with while staring up into the stars as they sparkle in the orbs that are her eyes,

Waiting for the sun to rise as we talk and enjoy the timelessness of being in her company

How I love to be with her and my heart leaps to hear her laugh, that sweet and bubbling thing

And her smile! It lifts my spirits and makes me soar like all new things in the time of Spring

I don’t know why or have any understanding of how I have been brought to this, a desperation for her

That over comes all my logic and rules as a man, breaking the bonds that I put on my own self

Forcing me to make a decision that I realize now I want to make, though I fear it with all that I am

Time will tell what happens and the choice that I make as I walk on the beach next to this beautiful

Woman

Stop the Hate

Hate. So serious and blatant in this world full of people angry and holding grudges
not letting the past go but holding on and making color, sex, religion, affiliation
determine the state of the society that we live in and negotiate the terms we use
to speak and interact with our fellow man and women but the story is
that we have no divisions or borders, that the people are one, no differences between us
What a joke, this imitation of an imaginary state of life that we keep in our eyes and lips,
smell and hear the realness of it but never accept the possibility that that we could
make the mindless faking of a dream a real remedy for the situation of our nation
changing prejudice to acceptance and segregated gang life to a multi-colored family
where even though you're black or because I'm a Christian, whatever the difference,
we can all live with each other with mutual respect and a genuine love because we know
that even though we come from difference place, people, beliefs and situations
there is so much that we share and have in common, having lived in this broken place
we affectionately call earth, and the differences we have just make living together better
because it makes every day interesting and enables us to learn from those things
It's not the differences that should make us hat but the intolerance of those things
because without them we don't have uniqueness, diversity or individuality
and the whole becomes one flat image when it should have been in three dimensions
So drop all of your disgusting issues and embrace the weird and out of your norm
that's someone else's every day, or was just the way that they were born
Love the person next to you and make them a part of who you are.

Overwhelmed

Here I am, just a simple and shallow man
Nothing to drive me and nothing to loose
in a world as lost as a fish on dry land

Broken and bruised I wear my skin to cover all of my pains ad ugliness within
To keep out judging eyes and make myself look like a man
Here I stand just six feet tall never looking back at the things I've done
Afraid if I did that my facade would be shaken and that I would be lost and fall

In the depths of my wallowing and despair my tears were wiped away
Brushed off by a hand with no hold barred against me no grudges for the stabbing
And cursing of the Son but all in that moment was made free for me by the price of his blood
Grace, what an incomprehensible thing which fills my heart and mind overcoming me
 as I a filthy beggar receive my salvation and the love he has for me
And in this all my life is made whole by the one man who could take it all

What else can I say? That when I fall and brake again I can be remade?
That when I turn and walk away that he still seeks after me, hungrily as a lover does
When I fall back to that sinful thing  that I just cant let go he comforts me
To be a betrayer and a liar, saying I love him when I do just the opposite
To stand for his name in the faces of my friends and yet behind closed doors

I let emotions and life itself bend my will and break me back down again
That redeeming thing called grace with comes all the more as the word gives evidence
A gift I don’t  deserve and cant accept for myself because of what I've done yet still he
Gives it freely, waiting, hoping that I come back to him

I cant understand this Son of Man a being so great and yet serving me despite my
Hate and distrust of all men and now I find myself aligned with him
 because once again I feel his love and peace surround me as an avalanche never ending
I can only embrace and cry on his chest as my heart keeps breaking knowing what I've done To him
and yet he loves me, and his grace flows unending for me, and I am overwhelmed

Dropping the Chains

There was a time when I could not see the day, where the brisk air never  touched my face
Loneliness, pain, and desperation were my only companions as I wallowed in pity
Pity of my own making for my own self, so that I wouldn't have to receive it and
Take it in from those that I care about, because then that would be too close,
So near to the root, the source of who I am and I couldn't bear to let that happen
To be stripped bear and allow all the ugly that I am out and into the arms of friends
Loved ones who are the treasure of my life shouldn't have to see me at my worst
The terrible thing that I am, but I know now just how wrong and back handed I have been
The real torture has not been on me but those same dear ones whom I cherish
This, the destroyer of my world, is what I choose to defy and stand against
Throwing off the robes of bondage and embracing the solace for which I should have
Freedom! Liberation! No longer struggling under the ball and chain holding me captive
Keeping me from flying off and experiencing life that way it should be

Worried, terrified and held captive by fears and follies which I have committed
To be let out, to be freed of these bounds and let to run and do what I was made to do
Oh what exhilaration, joy without bounds and words unspeakable in their  excitement
I head toward to dawn and the sunset, embracing the bitter sweet with their rise and fall
Knowing that with this my love and the love of others for me shall be embraced as we
Fly on

Foolish Heart

Oh heart of mine, who's foolishness knows no bounds
how could you betray me so and break the word of my honor?
Does not friendship mean more than the constant palpitation
of your many chambers, throwing me into nervous tension,
waiting on every word and every move that the bane of our existence should make?
Should we cast out this fire that is trapped within our being and take flight
running as we have before and seeking refuge among the stars,
the sea, and the road ahead, and the path behind?
What can i say that we should do or say in order to be rid of such a poison
which takes control of our limbs and makes our chest ache so fiercely
Rather i think you are my bane and my bane the cure
to this incessant wringing of hands, blinking away of tears
and throbbing in my core for a passion in which may never come to fruition
Be still oh bleeding warrior of many battles and long dead loves
Your time is not come to fight yet again bur rather take rest in this
 that the time might come soon and your long awaited challenge might be at hand
Victory very well may be within your reach should the envy of your eye
look with favor upon the deeds that you long to commit with fervor
Seek out that passion, that foolish desire, the bane of your existence,
that love which you hunger for with all of your being,
make it yours if it will have you, offering yourself as a lamb for slaughter
be bold and strong in this and love without fail

Come

Come with me, away to the sea

with the sound of a soft sweet sigh
to a place where you and i, can finally meet
and swim away the sorrow of yesterday
Come with me, to the mountains peak
where echos the cry of a lonely heart
that with your love, we might soar above
and leave our troubles far behind
Come away with me, to the open fields
where the wild flowers bloom for all time
and knowing you, avoid winters gloom
in your radiant beauty's sunshine
Come with me, my dear
for we must go and build this place that is our own
A castle it will be, for and me
and find in each other our home